Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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