Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
