I accidentally burped into my bong.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
