I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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