I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
