please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
