Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
