This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize