please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
