Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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