I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
