By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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