He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
