he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
love makes seman taste better
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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