I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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