We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
