just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
