Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
