Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
