ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
