Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
