just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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