No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
