And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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