I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
