oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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