Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
