this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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