Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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