doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
