i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
