I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
birth control should be required to get into college
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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