I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize