Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
50% drunk capacity currently
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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