Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
