I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize