I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
