If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
