I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize