That's intense
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
