When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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