No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
