Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
