Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
