Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
