I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
