Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
