So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
