There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
