yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
