dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
