If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
