so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
