Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
