Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
