if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
