i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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