Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's Friday. Sex?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
