yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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