It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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