If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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