They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
