So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
