I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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