I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
