And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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