Is it because I queefed?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
