Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
